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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Carlsberg Cup Parade Cancelled - City In Mourning

Toronto FC fans are crying themselves to sleep tonight as the club has lost one of the most prestigious trophies in football - The Carlsberg Cup. Rated as one of the world's Top 100 Meaningless Beer-Related Football Promotional Trophies, the "CC" is highly sought after. The Reds lost out to Argentine so-and-so's River Plate who will surely dismiss all of those pathetic Argentine Championships they own, now that they've captured the mighty CC!

The match, which saw absolutely nothing happen at BMO Field for 90 minutes, was decided on penalty kicks with Toronto losing 4-3. The Reds' penalty takers did manage to put a couple of balls into Lake Ontario though, so not all was lost. Supporters who previously believed Danny Dichio could walk on water must be questioning their place in the universe as the Patron Saint of Balding/Soulful House Music, was one of TFC's less than stellar kickers. That's two years running now that teams have come in and stolen what is rightfully ours. Don't they realize how much Carlsberg we drink at BMO? For the love of Andy Welsh -give us the fake trophy - we only have one other!

If you have managed to wade through that Samuel-load of sarcasm but still want a proper match recap - sorry. Mid-season friendlies are the bastard child of football schedules. If you are really concerned about what happened on the pitch tonight - seek medical help. Ok, one hint for your kind patronage - nothing. The only interesting tidbit was when the PA announcer declared that Pablo Vitti was Man Of The Match (!!!) - he went on to thank Vitti for his hard work and service while with TFC. I don't know about you, but that sure sounds like a sentence that continues with "...your locker needs to be cleared out in 20 minutes, there's a flight to Buenos Aires at 9." Maybe not, but hey - stranger things happen, who could imagine River Plate would be 2009 Carlsberg Cup Champions? Argentina must be partying tonight.

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