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Monday, August 16, 2010

THE MATCHUP: "CONCACAF's Barcelona" visits "CONCACAF's Bolton"

Now that's a solid back four!

TORONTO FC VS. CRUZ AZUL
CONCACAF Champions League - Group A
 
BMO Field - Tuesday 8PM ET
TV: GOL TV

 
What better way to welcome Toronto FC into the CCL proper than with a visit from the FIFA-ranked best club in the region?! Club Deportivo, Social Y Cultural Cruz Azul A.C., or just Cruz Azul to its friends, is arguably the greatest club in North and Central America/ Caribbean (sorry Joe Public) and have won the CONCACAF club championship a record five times. In addition, Los Cementeros have been the runners-up in the last two Champions League Finals and are itching to be there again in 2011.
 
On the other side of the coin of course is Toronto FC, a club with the financial ability to become a continental powerhouse - but the financial and corporate desire to be the best soccer team at their bank. The young TFC are virtual virgins at this kind of intense group stage tournament action and how they approach the matches, especially home fixtures, will be interesting and rather telling. Will it be a three match MLSE payday or are they really going to try to advance to the knockout stages?
 
In the midst of (yet another) last-gasp leap at MLS playoffs, manager Preki will have to try to squeeze the most out the tiny undermanned squad that is the result of four years of Mo Johnston's finest work. One thing is for certain - defensive Prekiball will be torn apart by Cruz Azul in what is being billed as the fiercest Mexican-Canadian match since Tito Santana and Rick Martel's "Strike Force" tag-team broke up. Ariba!
 
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "America's Beard v. America's Hat"
 
CRUZ ROJO: Stefan Frei, Julian de Guzman, Nana Attakora
IN THE MIXER: Emanuel Villa, Javier Orozco, Gerardo Torrado
 
THE ODDS:
- A South End supporter yelling "Ay dios mio!" in the voice of The Simpsons' "Bumblebee Man" - 2-1
- Mo Johnston being falsely rumoured to sign a Mexican player post-match much like the false Honduran rumour after the Motagua match: EVENS
- MLSE selling commerative "Cruz Azul v TFC" piñatas: 5-1
- Ali Gerba returning from Montreal to eat insides of piñata: 3-1
 
WHO ARE YA?
- Instead of the customary pre-match team banner exchange, Cruz Azul gives opponents a bag of fresh cement
- Cruz Azul's goalkeeper Jesus Corona is the star of a Mexican ad campaign for Corona Cerveza called "What Would Jesus Drink?"
- The chairman of Cruz Azul has flamed the rivalry between the two clubs by stating that BMO Field's Chip Butty is a "Gringo burrito not worthy of a mongrel dog"
- Cruz Azul's private jet "Cruz Airzul 1" is recognizable at Lester B. Pearson Airport by its Gangsta hydraulic wheels, neon-lit fuselage and giant tail speakers blaring Latino rap
 
RICK MARTEL SAYS: 2-1 Toronto
TITO SANTANA SAYS: 0-2 Cruz Azul
HEADLINE: "PREKI ENFORCES OFFENSIVE SIESTA"

Mexi-Canadian relations never got over "Strike Force"

1 comment:

  1. "what is being billed as the fiercest Mexican-Canadian match since Tito Santana and Rick Martel's "Strike Force" tag-team broke up.

    Hahhahahaha

    Awesome. C'mon you reds!!!! Ariba!!!!

    ReplyDelete