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Friday, September 17, 2010

THE MATCHUP: "Houston, we have a..." oh, you know the rest

The "U.S.S. Five Year Plan" had launch issues

HOUSTON DYNAMO (15TH) VS. TORONTO FC (9TH)
 
Robertson Stadium - Saturday 8:30PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONTARIO & PACIFIC

 
It has been less than a week since Toronto FC cancelled the "Preki & Mo Funtime Circus" but as they say "the show must go on" - at least for a few more weeks. Interim head coach Nick Dasovic will have had time to hold training with his "Canadian guys", as Preki disparagingly called Dwayne De Rosario and Julian de Guzman, and the rest of the International misfits in the hope of not repeating the massive 4-1 loss to RSL on Wednesday.
 
It must be a bit difficult for De Rosario to return to Houston, home to some of his finest days in football and where he won two championships, especially towing a club that isn't likely to give him another MLS Cup ring. Things however have been far from championshippy in Texas this season. In a rare slip of form, Dynamo are languishing near the bottom of the league and some are calling for the head of manager Dominic Kinnear.
 
With the way that Major League Soccer has a carousel of head coaches, Nick Dasovic could be shaking hands with the man who could very well end up a rumour for TFC's future manager post. A rare road win for TFC on Saturday could ironically set those wheels in motion but despite Dynamo's current 15th place in the table, Robertson Stadium is a hard place to travel to, especially with a group of underachieving Canadian guys.
 
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The unDynamic Duo Derby"
 
"...WE HAVE A PROBLEM": Brian Ching, Pat Onstad, Bobby Boswell
"...WE HAVE A DISASTER": a couple of "Canadian guys", Stefan Frei
 
THE ODDS:
- De Ro exchanging shirts post-game - refusing to take it off: 5-1
- Mo Johnston running on the field if TFC wins: 3-1
- Nick Dasovic blaming "a couple of "American guys": 100-1
- MLSE wondering if a John Ferguson Jr. / Lenny Wilkins combo could run TFC: 2-1
 
WHO ARE YA?
- Houston Dynamo part-owner Oscar De La Hoya is preparing for a possible half-time boxing match with Maxim "I Must Break You" Usanov
- Playing on their association with Houston's Space industry, Dynamo held the now infamous 2006 fan promotion "Half Price Beer and Hand-Held Rocket Night"
- Dynamo are not named in relation to other Dynamo clubs in football but rather after "Dynamo" the obese, electronically-equipped villain in the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic film "The Running Man"
- Houston's new soccer-specific stadium is being built as part of a city regeneration scheme after US President Bill Pullman nuked part of Houston during the 1996 Independence Day alien invasion. We remember...
 
TEXAN HOMBRES SAY: 2-1 Houston
CANADIAN GUYS SAY: 1-1 Draw
HEADLINE: "DASO'S SPACE CADETS WATCH SEASON PLUMMET TO EARTH"

President Bill "Alien Nuker" Pullman
"Re-building a nuked Houston one stadium at a time"

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