Eat it Frasier
SEATTLE (8th) VS. TORONTO FC (12th)
QWEST FIELD - SATURDAY 10PM ET
TV: GOLTV RADIO: FAN 590
They've got a Space Needle; we've got a CN Tower. They had Frasier's dog, we had The Littlest Hobo. They had Nirvana we had... um... Platinum Blonde? They play like XBOX; we play like a reconditioned ColecoVision. "We're not in Edmonton anymore MoJo" - as Toronto FC visits MLS' biggest, baddest stadium and the Seattle Sounders.
The boys in "rave green" aka "projectile pea-vomit green” are always a very tough team to play at home and are far better rested than their Canadian visitors. At 2-3-2, Sounders are off to a start many of their abundant supporters would deem "mediocre" but they are fresh off of a 1-0 win away to MLS Cup holders Colorado. That match is now infamous for the terrible Steve Zakuani broken leg tackle which hurts Seattle's midfield options. Also hurting Seattle's offence has former TFC striker - now Sounder O'Brian White set to miss the match after surgery. What would a Jamaican striker have surgery for? BLOOD CLOT! Can't make it up.
Toronto FC make the short hop (if it wasn’t for the half-day airport delay) to Puget Sound from Alberta where they dispatched FC Edmonton in The NutCan. Despite the win, Aron Winter wasn't pleased with The Reds' sharpness late in the match and still seeks improvement. After last week's disappointing draw with Columbus, Winter will want to see better league play and did manage to rest some starters in order to maintain some freshness.
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Phallic Tower Tussle"
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
SEATTLE SOUNDERS: Kasey Keller, Fredy Montero, Erik Friberg
TORONTO FC: Stefan Frei, Julian de Guzman, Alan Gordon
- The word "emerald" being said by GolTV more times in 2 hours than over a week full week of Home Shopping Channel broadcasts: 10-1
- Seattle's wacky neon kits causing an impromptu game of TRON to break out: 50-1
- Conspiracy theorists blaming a Sounders loss to TFC on Courtney Love: 250-1
WHO ARE YA?
- Seattle is Washington's largest city with a population of 317 Sasquatch. Citizens are called "Seattlelites" and the main exports are hipster lumberjack shirts, "Venti" sized things, tossed salad and scrambled eggs
- Sounders owner / game show impresario Drew Carey is upset at MLS after having his idea of replacing the coin toss with a game of "Plinko" rejected by Don Garber
- Sounder (and ex-TFC) forward / slow movement enthusiast O'Brian White was fired as spokesmen for the XBOX Kinetic video game system when his motion couldn't be detected
DUTCH-ENGLISH PRONUNCIATION OF THE MATCH:
"Shmellsh like de teen shpiritsh"
NEEDLES SAY: 2-0 Seattle
TOWERS SAY: 0-0 Draw
HEADLINE: "ALAN GORDON TRAPPED BY BIGFOOT HUNTERS"