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Tuesday, July 5, 2011

THE MATCHUP: Bullish Reds aim to extend energy boost

"The Champagne of Football Clubs"

NEW YORK (6TH) VS. TORONTO (16TH)
 
RED BULL ARENA - WEDNESDAY 8PM ET
TV: TSN
 
THE KICKABOUT:
- Can TFC extend the momentum from their Vancouver double into Red Bull Arena?
- Will The Reds' injury-plagued defence be able to hold off an NYRB that has outscored TFC 10-1 in their last 3 meetings?
- Could Toronto get a break from the NYRB star-power with Thierry Henry and Rafael Marquez nursing slight injuries?
- Is time running out for Julian de Guzman to prove his "DP-ness"?
- If I drink 5 cans of Red Bull will this report be better than usual?
 
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "El DeRosariNo"
 
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
NEW YORK: Joel Lindpere, Dax McCarty, Teemu Tainio
TORONTO: Julian de Guzman, Nick Soolsma, Mikael Yourassowsky
 
THE ODDS:
- Either club re-acquiring Dwayne De Rosario only to then ship him out for future prospects: 20-1
- NYRB's strong 2nd Half performances being linked to halftime oranges soaked in Red Bull: 30-1
- Instead of Jay-Z at courtside, NYRB to invite Kid 'N Play to sit in upper deck: 50-1
 
WHO ARE YA?
- Profit conscious Toronto FC considered a beverage-sponsored re-brand with leading name-change candidates being "Toronto Pop Shoppe City", "Slurpee Wednesday" and "FC Canada Dry Toronto"
- Red Bull Arena's hometown of Harrison, NJ is an ancient village first founded by Viking explorers from Scandinavia's Harrison Fjord region. The modern day city is affectionately known as "Newark's Doormat" and its main exports include window bars, abandoned shopping carts and Snake Plissken
- Weeknight matches at Red Bull Arena have a 10:30PM curfew as that is when The Warriors come out to play
 
THE WAGER: 2-0 NYRB (2011: 15-9 with 4 exact scores)
FUTURE HEADLINE: "FREE RED BULL IN PRESS BOX - OMG!THereWASthisguYandHEscoredaGOAAALLandstuFF - WHOOOOO!!!"

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