(BEFORE) AFTER 90: Back to Los Futuros

Beats the crap out of a KIA!



TORONTO, WEDNESDAY 4:30PM ET...

Surely like many of you TFC supporters out there, we can think of a lot things we'd rather do tonight than watch the locals get kicked about by a bunch of Mexicans. Some quality napping, do next year's taxes, brush the dog's teeth - you know. With that, we thought we'd try a little science experiment and jump in our Mexican time machine-car (a Del Loreano) and go into... THE FUTURE! Six hours into the future no less so we can bring you tonight's post-match report... now! Gigawattos!
　
SANTOS LAGUNA VS. TORONTO
CONCACAF CHAMPIONS LEAGUE - GROUP 1
　
FIRST HALF:
1' - After escaping from a group of Libyan trialists in a Volkswagen Camper Van we got the Del Loreano going over 80 Burro Gallops per hour and ended up at Estadio Corona... later tonight!
2' - Santos Laguna pressing early with Herculez Gomez forcing a save by Freddy Hall
8' - In the stands we meet a six-hour-older and more Latino version of our friend Dr. Emmett "Doctoro" Marrón who warns us not to change anything or TFC 2013 could be badly damaged. As if!
10' - TFC withstanding major pressure from Santos' quick wingers
13' - YELLOW CARD: Richard Eckersley
15' - GOAL: Toronto - Reggie Lambe against the run of play slides a shocking goal past Oswaldo Sanchez
SANTOS LAGUNA 0 - TORONTO 1
17' - The crowd is agitated. Could be the scoreline - could be the lack of hoverboards available in Mexico
25' - GOAL: Santos Laguna evens it up as Juan Pablo Rodriguez takes a long distance shot which deflects off of the back of Jeremy Hall's head and crosses the line.
SANTOS LAGUNA 1 - TORONTO 1
37' - More crowd agitation as some Santos Laguna fans chase a lone TFC away supporter around the stadium. The Torontonian evades capture only to see the Santos supporters fall into a pitch-side truck full of manure
40' - YELLOW CARD: Terry Dunfield
45' - Controversy as Ryan Johnson seems to score a clear goal from distance only to have the referee blow the whistle to end the half. "OUTATIME"
　
HALFTIME: SANTOS LAGUNA 1 - TORONTO 1
　
46' - Festive crowd after Huey Lewis & The News finish their halftime show and play resumes.
48' SUB: Aaron Maund on for Ryan Johnson
50' - GOAL: Santos Laguna - Herculez Gomez strolls through a confused TFC defence and puts the Mexicans ahead.
SANTOS LAGUNA 2 - TORONTO 1
52' - GOAL: Santos Laguna - Gomez makes it two in two minutes as TFC barely had time to catch their breath. Long distance shot rebounds off of Freddy Hall's stomach and into Gomez' path.
SANTOS LAGUNA 3 - TORONTO 1
62' - Our Polaroid team picture suddenly shows Paul Mariner disappearing!
69' - YELLOW CARD: Luis Silva
70' - SUB: Eric Avila on for Quincy Amarikwa
77' - Some kid in the upper deck is playing a mariachi version of Chuck Berry songs
80' - GOAL: Santos Laguna - The hosts go up by three as Jeremy Hall scores an own goal after TFC's defence can't decide what to do with the ball.
SANTOS LAGUNA 4 - TORONTO 1
88' - A lightning storm is headed towards the stadium.
90'+ - "Doctoro" Marrón hangs a piñata from the upper deck of Estadio Corona which catches a lightning bolt and hurls our Del Loreano back to.... THE PRESENT! (Or whenever you read this)... oh and Toronto FC are eliminated.
　
FULL TIME: SANTOS LAGUNA 4 - TORONTO 1
　
PLAYER RATINGS: Freddy Hall 5 / Jeremy Hall 4 / Richard Eckersley 5.5 / Adrian Cann 5 / Ashtone Morgan 6 / Reggie Lambe 6 / Terry Dunfield 5.5 / Luis Silva 5 / Quincy Amarikwa 5 (Eric Avila 5.5) / Ryan Johnson 6 (Aaron Maund 4.5)
　
THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Future Reggie Lambe
　
THE BATH:
So there you have it. Now you can go about your sleepy financial dog business tonight and not worry about watching "El Foregone Conclusion"! What will we do? Well somehow we ended up with a shiny black pick-up truck that we have to take up to the lake. Oh...and Paul Mariner has become a successful author.
　
If you don't believe in science... the other version of the post-match future will be linked here...

(Stupid TFC not respecting time and space! Now Biff will be the new TFC President!)　

SANTOS LAGUNA 1 - TORONTO 0