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Friday, March 29, 2013

THE MATCHUP: The stage is set

It's mostly cardboard

TORONTO VS. LOS ANGELES

BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 2PM
TV: TSN
 
THE KICKABOUT:
Three weeks after playing at the "Dome where ankles fear to tread", TFC finally hosts its true home opener on the grounds of MGM Presents: Exhibition Place & Casino" (Pending). With MLS now adopting the earlier start schedule, this may be our "new normal" but it will be good to be back at "our house" rather than living out of a football-suitcase.
 
What better way to christen BMO Field for 2013 than with MLS Cup Winners LA Galaxy. It is the official soccer stadium of "Hollywood North" anyways right? Despite the departure of international man-knicker peddler David Beckham, Galaxy are still a very strong side and will likely have a host of new DP's lined up very soon. The crowd may still be littered with screaming ladies who don't realize Becks is en Francais now but hey - they weren't going to come to see the set of Toronto-shot blockbuster Johnny Mnemonic were they?
 
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The Hollywood Norther"
 
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Robert Earnshaw, Stefan Frei, Luis Silva
LOS ANGELES: Carlo Cudicini, Omar Gonzalez, Robbie Keane
 
THE ODDS:
The following sequels to Toronto-shot films being made:
- "Booty Call 2: Agbootymonde": 10-1
- "American Psycho III: Jacob Peterson's Business Card": 100-1
- "Harold & Kumar Go To the Playoffs": 1000-1
 
WHO ARE YA?
Toronto is one of the busiest film and television production locales outside of Los Angeles and boasts the largest studio space apart from Hollywood. This fact wasn't lost on new TFC head coach Ryan Nelsen whose secret reason for rushing into management at Toronto is his desire to break into local film. The New Zealander has been working on a script for years now and it is a sequel to a film originally shot in Toronto. Nelsen's "Police Academy 8: Kiwis On Patrol" sees Mahoney, Jones, Hightower and the gang head to New Zealand to put a stop to an international sheep trafficking ring that is plaguing their city. Hilarity ensues.
 
POST-MATCH HEADLINE:
"NELSEN'S CADETS BUMBLE"

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