The final bell has gone, lockers are cleared out and Inukshuks are being found in unfortunate places at the high school by the lake. Principle Leiweke has promised that grade averages will skyrocket next year when a few wealthy exchange students arrive and Vice-Principle Bezbatchenko is getting a wedgie from some jocks. All that is left is for Professor Nelsen to hand out the red threads of graduation and final grades to his motley Class of 2013.
TOP OF THE CLASS:
Grade: BClass nickname: "Super Pickle"
2013 Highlight: Stealing that Swiss kid's desk at the back
Voted Most Likely To: Dill with it.
Grade: A -
Class nickname: "Stevie C"
2013 Highlight: Staying here on the cheap
Voted Most Likely To: Leave for Scunthorpe
Grade: B +
Class nickname: "Mr. Laba Man"
2013 Highlight: Making his classmates look like talentless hacks
Voted Most Likely To: Watch his passes get squandered
Class nickname: "Deer Osorio"
2013 Highlight: Showing up out of nowhere
Voted Most Likely To: Be traded to San Jose for a Supplemental Pick
Class nickname: "Convoy!"
2013 Highlight: Causing people to make truck horn noises
Voted Most Likely To: Ask himself how he ended up here
Grade: C +
Class nickname: "Carnage"
2013 Highlight: Playing forward like the Kool-Aid guy
Voted Most Likely To: Injure defenders
Class nickname: "Mr. March"
2013 Highlight: Springtime
Voted Most Likely To: Hibernate during summer
Grade: C +
Class nickname: "D'oh Henry"
2013 Highlight: Not getting a red card
Voted Most Likely To: Get a red card
Class nickname: #OccasionallyDisagreeableLeftBack
2013 Highlight: Getting his job back
Voted Most Likely To: Giggle at Jonas Elmer
Grade: B -
Class nickname: "Rey Rovaro"
2013 Highlight: Bagging mucho dinero
Voted Most Likely To: Be called "too expensive"
Class nickname: "Tha Roy G." / "The Cockney Crusher"
2013 Highlight: Putting his elbows through opposition
Voted Most Likely To: Be the last thing seen before a concussion